Musings of a lost but found girl….

Dear Journal,

I sit here in a high chair with the lamp giving just the right amount of light I need to focus. I slowly sip cup after cup of hot water from a mug. I have spent the last 12 hours writhing in pain and pondering about my future. As I sat down after dinner on this chair, I broke into a broad, genuine and a-very-much-like-me smile for the first time yesterday.

As a mentor once said, ‘Sharon, try to collect your ideas and write a book’. Of course I said yes and seemed elated by the idea. However, some days go by and I feel that there is not enough interesting things to write about. I do not count my romance books as I come up with romantic ideas faster than anything else. Probably because I have read more than two people’s fair share of Harlequin, Silhouette and the rest that dare to write about love and prince charming.

The reason for my smile is that my life has so many twists, turns, pains and sorrows to actually write a book. Some hilarious experiences like yesterday when after self-diagnosing, I found out that I really was having an allergic reaction to a food/product. I had earlier thought I had scarlet fever and was actually suffering some of the symptoms! Well, before you roll your eyes at how wild my imagination can run, I have to say that wikipedia and google are not helping in that department.

Few days ago, I sat with tears in my eyes. Although I have a reputation of being stoic and mostly emotionless, I do have my weak moments. One of such was when I returned from a really hectic 12 hour shift and could not imagine how I would survive the next month. My final exams are around the corner, the course work deadlines fast approaching and the ray of hope that has always shown overhead was elusive this time.

I have felt betrayal, displacement and terrifying anxiety (especially before I sent out my appeal) in the past month. Last night, I even had power-cut for 5 minutes! But then, I have met new friends-Lynette, Rita, Maria, Julie, Robert and we could be friends for life. I have worked with new partners like Jess, went on a boring date with someone from a dating site, had 55 year olds hit on me, heard again that I looked 18 and that I have an Irish sense of humour.

Those are the happy days that replace the distressing days. Besides, everything else has gradually started falling into place. As an old friend once said, take life’s punch on the chin and keep your head up like your nose is bleeding. I have learnt in these last 30 days not to take life too seriously, I would never get out alive anyway. I have decided to take a step at a time, move away from people not worth a place in my life and focus on my happy place. My group members Kyra and Cristina would surely be smiling at this last statement.

I will end by sharing the reassuring words of my beloved dad. ‘It is when the night is darkest that the dawn comes’. It might not be exactly true in theory, but that has always been the pattern in my life and it has kept me going. As always friends, feel free to share your thoughts on my piece as I always welcome comments.