Beauty: In the eyes of the beholder, In the mind of the beholdee

23^rd October 2013

Dear Journal,

As I sat on my bed recounting all my days in the university, I couldn’t help but smile at some memories that gladdened my heart. I remembered the words of MC Erem while he was cracking his famous jokes in college. He said ‘beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and in the mind of the beholdee’. The overall joke was very funny and everyone in the hall roared with laughter but those words stuck in my mind and have been a source of inspiration.

Like so many things under the sun, the concept of beauty is constantly changing.  This elusive attribute for many is forever sought after by all sexes. For women, it was first characterised by heart-shaped faces, big bust lines, flat stomachs and rounded hips. Now it includes oval shaped faces and long faces with fuller lips than before. For men, it has not changed very much. A man who is tall, dark or light skinned, possesses chiselled features, broad shoulders amongst few other features is perceived as handsome or attractive.

As vain as people try to make beauty look, it is still people’s most prized possessions. It is the backdrop of their confidence and self-esteem. These are attributes that can enhance or impede success and therefore people lacking in those must be handled with compassion. A comment like ‘beauty is only skin deep’ is true but is usually made by people who were first attracted to it, stuck with it for a while and was maybe hurt and disappointed by it.

Beauty in the eyes of the beholder is usually said to imply that the perception of beauty is subjective. The word first appeared in the 3^rd Century BC in Greek. Benjamin Franklin, in Poor Richard's Almanack, 1741, wrote: ‘Beauty, like supreme dominion is but supported by opinion’.

Research suggests that we view our loved ones through rose-tinted glasses that overlook the crooked noses, bulging tummies or other attributes that might put others off. As a result, husbands and wives/lovers think their other halves are more attractive than they really are.

John Zimmerman once said ‘beauty is often worse than wine; intoxication both the holder and beholder’. This I agree with but I fault not the one possessed by beauty and intoxicated therein because they have that which people strive to achieve.

My favourite saying however, is that of Salma Hayek. According to him, ‘People often say that 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder,' and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are the beholder. This empowers us to find beauty in places where others have not dared to look, including inside ourselves’.

If we find beauty in ourselves, then the unending search for the world’s definition of beauty ceases for us. The moment you realise that you can choose to see what you want, you have achieved the ultimate breakthrough of creating your own reality.

Remember, you are who you think you are. Your bulging stomach, freckled nose, uneven teeth, crooked nose and thin lips doesn’t define you. The goodness of your personality, the strength of your focus and the love of yourself and everyone else makes you the true beauty that you really are. Not the one that can be noticed at first, but that which keeps you eternally beautiful in the eyes of the beholder.

Finally, I close in the words of Alfred Sisley that I would love for you to always keep in mind. ‘Though the artist must remain master of his craft, the surface, at times raised to the highest pitch of loveliness, should transmit to the beholder the sensation which possessed the artist’.

Note: I am a very pretty woman and I am proud of it. The words inspired me and taught me a new way to appreciate others also.