The Trick with Luck

It seems like ages since I last wrote. To be honest, lots of issues have come up between the last write-up and now. Things that I cannot wait to share with you as the weeks unfold. Today, the topic trick with luck will be explored. Just before you roll your gorgeous eyes at me and/or raise your eyebrows, I think you should finish reading this article first.

I am sure most of us would have used or heard people say things like ‘that girl is so lucky, she just landed a bank job!’ or ‘that girl is so lucky, she married a good looking and wealthy man’. I cannot help but raise my eyebrow anytime I hear comments like that. I decided to understand the real meaning of luck and why it is popularly used. Dictionary.com’s definition goes thus: ‘luck is the force that seems to operate for good or ill in a person's life, as in shaping circumstances, events, or opportunities’.

According to Wiseman 2004, belief in luck has been shown to be associated with self-esteem, gambling behaviour and the perception of positive and negative life events. "Luck is a really interesting aspect of risk and chance," says Cambridge University psychologist Dr Mike Aitken, co-creator of BBC Lab UK's new Big Risk Test, which explores the type of person likely to be a risk-taker or risk-averse. (culled from  http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-12934253)

Reading through this definition and many others from enlightened people, I am of the opinion that there is no such thing as luck. I actually think that luck can sometimes be the excuse for people to be lazy and un-ambitious.

I believe that a person is in charge of their own lives and a total reliance on luck sometimes might make a person put little or no effort towards achieving a goal or a dream.  It is true that I do not believe in luck, however, I am very impressed and respectful of the impact that a belief in good luck has on people.

It has been shown that people who think they are lucky have better mental health than those who think they are not. They take bigger risks with more optimism, confidence and a sense of control than those who do not think they are lucky. Most times, the risks we might be afraid to take might be well worth it. But we would not know for sure if we don’t take it would we? The belief in luck actually makes people better able to cope with difficult situations that are beyond our control.

A belief in luck while looking for employment might help you to be more confident. However, a belief that is tied to something like a lucky shirt, pen or charm might not be helpful at all. Nothing beats an old recipe that a lecturer of mine gave. Opportunity + Preparedness = Desired Outcome. 

Being at the right place, at the right time, meeting the right people at occasions and getting the best out of that meeting is not luck. It is taking advantage of a good opportunity and using it to your benefit. If you get a huge contract or a job interview with someone important after a dinner party where you were introduced for the first time, I do not think it is luck. If you were not smart enough to take advantage of the introduction, you would not have had a successful outcome.

I strongly believe that the trick with luck is to believe that you have it while you prepare for unforeseen opportunities. Work hard, work smart and an opportunity will come to showcase your talent and move you to the top.

I would love to hear your views and opinions about this subject.

Regards

Sharon

Shades of light

I was laughing my head off at the most ridiculous joke Jonathan could come up with when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to see who touched me but came up blank. On seeing the look on my face, she immediately introduced herself. Her name would not have mattered to me if she had not mentioned our exploits together in high school.

 

What the hell have you done with yourself? I screamed with horror. Before you scold me for over-reacting, I must tell you the whole story. Jane, my old friend from high school was the prettiest dark-skinned girl I had ever seen. I still have a picture of her in my mind, all dark-skinned and willowy.

 

But the vision before me could not be denied. Jane was totally light-skinned!!! Well, except for very dark knuckles, elbows, knees and ankles that were in sharp contrast to her face and arms. I could not believe this transformation or the reason she decided to destroy her skin this way. Of course, I could not let it slide. Being my curious self, I asked why.

 

With a sigh, she explained that the period when she was dark-skinned was a very difficult time for her. She could not seem to get a good job, meet the right people or even get married to the right guy. She explained that even though she was more qualified for some jobs, light-skinned girls always got the job because of their complexion.

 

She went on to give me a scenario that can only be from a dumb Nollywood movie. Her account goes thus; “in my desperation for a job, I went for an interview to dance in a music video. I have always fancied myself a good dancer and pretty one too. *she smiled* While we were waiting, the director came to the reception and said that only light-skinned girls would be interviewed. This meant that all dark-skinned girls regardless of their beauty and abilities did not stand a chance. That was the day I knew I would never be in that position of being dismissed again.”

 

Having heard her ordeal, I asked how things are now that she is light-skinned. She was grinning from ear to ear when she said she now had a job as a PA to the GM of a bank. She did not fail to mention that she has also ‘landed’ the ‘right’ guy.

  

As she walked away, I could not shake off the feeling of disbelief. In a country where dark and brown-skinned people are predominant, only light-skinned people are given a chance? While I pondered about this, a friend drew my attention to the fact that Nigerian women seem to be more light-skinned compared to the men. It sounded really funny at the time but I have noticed that it is indeed true.

 

In the past and maybe in some countries, light-skinned people are thought to be more successful, influential and smarter than dark-skinned people. However, we all know that is not the case in this modern day. That is why I am so puzzled that pretty and influential women will stop at nothing to practically turn themselves white through skin lightening creams. Even South Africans who have gone through apartheid know better than to make skin colour a criterion for a job!

 

Have you heard of the saying that all light skins are not the same? Well, I am sure you haven’t because I just made it up. The point is, no matter how pretty the chemical-aided light skin looks now, it will still suffer the consequences. The other shades will come to play when eventually all the melanin has been eroded by harsh chemicals. The skin will eventually begin to burn in the sun giving it a red and unsightly look or it will begin to age leaving young women with drooping jowls and green patches. This is to mention only a few things that can happen not even mentioning the dreaded skin cancer.

 

I am not here to preach about the reasons why one should not lighten their skin. But remember that no matter how light-skinned you think you are, you will never be like the light-skinned people in the cold part of the world where it is natural to be that way. I already know this, you might say. If you do, then why hurt yourself knowingly?

 

No matter how dark-skinned or brown skinned you think you are, you have a bit of colour in you. It might not be obvious but it is there. Besides, even if you are as dark as coal, the unique qualities that you possess is a light to your world not necessarily to your skin. That is why I am very positive that when you have abilities, skills and a great personality, fickle things like the complexion of your skin will give way to more important ones. If one thinks that being light-skinned alone will help one land a good job, then I must say, that person is living under a delusion.

 

As always, I would love your thoughts and views as always. Can it be that I am naïve? Is this really the case?

 

Love

Sharon

The face of corruption

Have you ever struggled with yourself about doing something you think is morally wrong?

Have you ever indulged in a little something that you think is wrong but you feel is the norm?

Do you think you can discern the difference between what is right morally and what is not?

Have you ever looked in the face of corruption and walked away unscathed?

Do not be in a hurry to answer the above questions with well-prepared justification and logic. Read until the end and let me know what the truth in your heart says.

Over the years, the concept of corruption has baffled me to no end. From my childhood, Nigeria has been known to be one of the most corrupt countries in the world. I remember asking my dad what corruption meant and how Nigeria managed to rank higher than my favourite countries; the US and the UK in that regard. ‘It is when people do things that are not right by the law’, my dad said. Is it like when people steal, kill and fornicate? I inquired. I can still hear his howl of laughter but to silence me, he said yes and that I will have to grow up before I can fully understand the concept.

Almost two decades later, here I am and now understand a little as to why Nigeria still ranked high amongst the top countries as regards corruption. Is it only that we have never had the good fortune of electing a non-corrupt leadership? I don’t think so and my reasons are stated in this write-up.

Every time I ask my fellow citizens why Nigeria is not moving forward, they mostly point to the fact that the country is corrupt. According to the majority, our corrupt leaders have refused to let the economy amongst other things thrive. This got me thinking. Most people think that corruption is only in the levels of the federal and state governments but is it? Corruption in Nigeria as anywhere else in the world begins from the grass root level.

To substantiate this claim, I asked a few students if it is alright to question friends and colleagues during examinations or even scribble answers to questions on their body parts. Majority stated that whatever is scribbled is only a ‘reminder’ which is usually frowned upon so they cannot particularly say it is good. However, they see nothing wrong in questioning friends during examinations as it helps ‘trigger’ their memory. Some even said that they are sometimes encouraged in their schools to do so but in low tones so as not to distract the others.

I cannot seem to understand why these acts are labelled examination malpractice everywhere else in the world yet our teachers and lecturers encourage their students to engage in it. To me, it is like labelling some forms of evil as ‘good evil’. That in itself is corruption because it deviates from the ideal set for examinations.

People curse the police for their penchant for collecting bribes but who gives them these bribes? If bribe is not given willingly, it cannot be taken by force. So the act of dishonestly persuading someone to act in one's favour by a gift of money or other inducement is corruption. And in that scenario, corruption can be seen with the giver and receiver of bribe. People payoff high level members of staff of an organisation or ministry to win contracts in Nigeria and leave very capable and qualified people out in the cold. Doesn’t that reek of corruption?

Journalists cannot really exercise their right to freedom of expression even though the Freedom of Information Bill has been passed for years now for fear of victimisation. Editors and other media personnel still collect ‘brown envelopes’ from events that they cover. To me, that is just a fancy name for saying that they are being bribed to do jobs that they are already paid to do-which is to keep members of the public informed. And as for those journalists that write articles because of the gifts attached to it, they are breeching the ethics of the profession. Regardless of the fact that these articles might be of public interest, the angle of the story will be tainted.

Going down memory lane, I remember an election period where candidates of the election went into poverty ridden areas in Lagos, Nigeria to campaign. According to my sources, in the course of the campaign, the candidate’s aides started sharing a few cups of rice and some money to people in that area. Typical of poor Nigerians, they all scrambled for what they could get and pledged their votes to the candidate responsible for this ‘good deed’. Someone might argue that they did not have a choice, but I refuse to believe that we do not have the pride to refuse their ‘gifts’ or at least the will to insist that candidates campaign the right way. In this case, is giving your vote for a few cups of rice and money that will last only for a few days the best course of action? It is just like exchanging your birth right for a plate of porridge. Lucky for us, these bad choices can only last for eight years but it is enough to do enough damage to the economy and the future of our children.

We all might have heard about custom officers who sample people’s goods and keep a chunk of it for themselves in total disregard for the people who sell these items as a source of livelihood. Immigration officers who are supposed to be the face of the country beg foreigners at the airport for bribes and gifts to facilitate their entry process. When their requests are not satisfied, they go out of their way to stress these people at the airport thereby giving Nigeria a reputation as an unfriendly country to tourists. 

I could go on and on across the different sectors in the country but I would stop here. Just the way I have been brought up to think, I would pass the same message to my dear readers. Remove the log in your eyes first before trying to help someone with the speck in his eyes. How many times have inappropriate office behaviour been reported in big organisations? How many times have accountants reported their bosses to the relevant authorities for fraud and misconduct? If you have to think about your answer to these questions, then you might be looking right in the face of corruption and willingly participating in it.

Therefore, when you point a finger at the government, just realise that you might be playing a huge role in corruption also either by omission or commission. This is because corruption is not a government or a sector, it is a deviation from a model or principle put in place by law. Everybody has a role to play in curbing corruption and a morality check is needed to guide people aright.

Now can you honestly answer the afore-asked questions honestly? Please feel free to comment on what you consider as corruption and ways we can help make our country better.

All the best

Sharon

Much ado about homosexuals

It was 7:20pm and PHCN had decided to interrupt our power supply again! As I grumbled about in the dark cursing their timing, I decided to take a stroll down my street to literally ‘cool off’.

Halfway to the end of the street, I stopped dead in my tracks. What was that sound? My curious mind wondered. I waited a beat to be sure it was not my imagination. And then I heard it again! The faint rustle of leaves and a low moan as in the throes of passion.

I would have walked away having drawn a conclusion that it was probably a young teenager and his girlfriend ‘discovering’ themselves. However, on closer inspection, I found that the teenagers ‘discovering’ themselves were both guys.

I did not think anything of it as I walked on having satisfied my curiosity. I finished my walk and returned home with a feeling that I could not describe at the time. I had almost fallen asleep that night when it struck me. The feeling that was tugging at my heart was pity. I felt pity for those guys because our society will never embrace the presence of homosexuals amongst us.

Prior to that day, I had been in conversations with all kinds of people regarding this issue. Moralists, Elders, Deacons and Christians. Some were of the opinion that homosexuals should be killed. Majority felt that the 14 year sentence for homosexuality should be increased.

Science has shown that a tendency towards homosexuality can be traced from birth and environmental influences. Nonetheless, most people have refused to accept this explanation, saying it is a choice and a disdainful one to say the least.

So I ask, if it is more of a choice, why can’t they just change their choices or preference considering the consequences they will face once discovered? These gay people already know that they will be victimised and judged if they came out of the closet. Don’t you think that is strong enough motivation for them to change their minds?

Let us even assume that it is a choice. Why put a 14 year sentence on homosexuality? For a country that claims to practice democracy, is that the right course of action? Democracy to me, my dear readers is not just the right to vote in elections. It is also a right to live freely, choose what to eat, how to express oneself, what religion to belong to and even sexual preference.

In view if that statement, please forgive my lack of understanding as to why gay people should be imprisoned for 14 years because they choose to have a relationship with a member of the same sex. To me, it is akin to imprisoning a man because he has chosen to serve Buddha. Besides, if a gay man goes about his daily job, works effectively and efficiently, pays his taxes without default and is generally law abiding, would you put him behind bars because of his sexual preference?

If people’s answer to the last question is in the affirmative, I will be sorely disappointed to even think that my fellow citizens might have lost their humanity. We as a country have continually ‘struggled’ to put the people that have looted our treasury and raped Nigeria behind bars. Will we all jump at a chance to incarcerate an innocent person because they are gay?

In conclusion, even though I think that Nigeria is a long way from embracing homosexuality, the harsh treatment meted out to them is unfair and unnecessary. We all can help them by respecting their privacy and judging less.

As always, I would love to hear from all my readers what they think about the topic discussed and proffer solutions where they think necessary.

Always on your side
Sharon

 

The happiest day that never was

Many might be wondering what in God’s name I am talking about. Well read on for the juicy details.

This time last year, one of my crushes called me. In fact, he was the number one of all my crushes with his charm and muscles in all the right places. I think I was in love with him but I did not know where we stood as we were just ‘friends’.

He called me on the morning of April 1^st and asked me out to dinner. According to him, he could no longer bear to keep what he has to tell me to himself. Ladies, are you thinking what I am thinking? I was so delighted especially as I heard the crack in his really husky voice. It just had to be what I am thinking! Of course, I acted aloof and agreed to the date.

With a huge grin, I searched for my debit card. I was going to make his jaw drop with the most beautiful dress ever. I had already played the scene in my head since I was 10! I was going to be dressed in red with a black sequined bag and shoes. Exquisite but tiny diamond studs will be used to complete the allure of my looks. On this note, I went shopping.

Six hours later, I was ready for the date even though it was not 7pm yet. I paced a hole in my living room, refreshed my make-up a few times, adjusted my bra couple of times to show a bit of cleavage. When the clock struck 7, my nerves were strung up until I heard the doorbell.

As I opened the door, I noticed the look of appreciation and this made me smile a woman’s smile. In the course of dinner, I could not stop my heart from racing as I wanted to hear what he had to say but I did not want to appear eager.

After what seemed like eternity, he leaned forward and stared into my eyes. Like magic, he produced a little red box. My heart rate tripled and my head began spinning. OMG! OMG! I could not believe he was going to propose! I was already thinking of how to show off the ring to my friends and brag about how he came to his senses about his feelings for me. As thoughts raced through my mind, I noticed he was on his knees. He looked me straight in the eyes and said ‘April fool’!!!

My God! I could feel my heart plummet to the ground and shatter in the tiniest bits! This was all a scam? Then I remembered that it was April 1^st and the implication of this hit me so hard that I wanted to bawl. How was I going to face him again if I cried and told him that I thought everything was real? So I just laughed with him; as hard as I could and hoped he did not notice that it was hysterical. When tears rolled down my cheeks, he only assumed it was because I was laughing really hard.

As I bid him good night with the most cheerful ‘partner-in-crime’ smile, I could not help feeling that the joke was on me. I was on the verge of telling him that today was the happiest day of my life and he just ruined it!

Curled up in bed and nursing my broken heart not to even mention my wounded pride, I couldn't help being so angry at the person who made April 1^st an April fool’s day!

Please share and comment. If you have had a ridiculous April fool’s day experience. I would love to hear from you also.

Love

Sharon

 

 

 

 

Valentine's day: Materialistic or Romantic?

Dear Journal,

Its that time of the year again when people will be ripped off as the prices of flowers and chocolates practically triples and quadruples!

People will be forced to compete for a

spot in the parking lot of an overcrowded restaurant.

Geez! It all seems so generic to me but what the heck, I'm a weirdo and there are only few of us in that camp anyway. 

Research has shown that people, ladies especially prefer chocolates over flowers and tech toys over jewelry. They also prefer to go out in public to eat with their partner rather than spend time at home doing creative things together.

The more I ponder on it, the more it feels like some kind of competition to spend money on stuff we don't need...as if that proves how much you love a person.

Valentine's day is not supposed to be about going into debt to prove how much you love someone. It is also not the only day to show your beloved how much you care about them.

It is the daily act of caring, offering kind and affirming words amongst other beautiful gestures that makes a person feel loved. That love can be continually made manifest in Valentine or out of Valentine seasons.

As you spend this Valentine's day with the one you care about, think about what Valentine means to you. Is it a period to show off or show love? 

I leave you with the very known fact that love is the one gift you can't run

out of by giving it away.

I hope you have a fabulous Valentine's day. And I look forward to hearing about your views on Valentine and what it means to you. 

Love

Sharon